Cohabitation
From WikEd
Descriptions, definitions, synonyms, organizer terms, types of
Quite simply, cohabitation is a term used to describe two sexually intimate people living together without being married.
Cohabitation is also a term used for political purposes to describe the behavior of sovereign states. If that is the purpose of your coming to this page, please look elsewhere.
In our society, cohabitation used to be roundly frowned upon; however, today, cohabitation is not only a common, but a growing phenomenon (which isn't to say that it is not still frowned upon by some). As "All About Cohabiting" reports it, in 1960, the ratio of married couples to cohabitating couples was 90:1. Currently, they estimate that the ratio is 12:1, with the anticipation that by 2010, the ratio will have fallen to 7:1.
Types of Cohabitation
Rathus & Nevid speak of three distinct styles of cohabitation:
1. Part-time/Limited Cohabitation- This is an informal style of cohabitation resulting in a couple spending frequent nights together, and thus sharing living quarters. These couples generally drift passively into a cohabiting relationship without specifically discussing the situation in advance.
2. Premarital Cohabitation- This is an arrangement that is explicitly agreed upon by both parties, and can either be seen as a "trial marriage", or as an arrangement for other practical reasons before the couple is able to become officially married.
3. Substitute Marriage- This is an arrangement to permanently cohabitate without ever getting officially married. People who have divorced are more likely to enter into this type of an arrangement than other couples.
Application in and effects on classrooms and similar settings
General Overview
There is an increasingly wide array of people who cohabitate, so any effects that the practice has on society at large is likely to be felt in many social domains. However, less well educated, less affluent, and less well educated people are more likely to cohabitate than other groups. Also, the cohabitation rate is twice as high for African American couples as it is for European American couples. Regardless, the effects that cohabitation has on education is difficult to judge.
Specific Concerns
Critics have linked cohabitation with a number of social ills, including the divorce rate. If this link is indeed causal, than the fact that the number of children living with a divorced parent has risen 352% from 1960 to 1990 could provide educators with reasons to be concerned about the growing number of couples living in a cohabiting relationship.
The impact of divorce on student learning is amazing. Children with divorced parents:
1. drop out at twice the rate as those from traditional families
2. are more likely to become delinquent by age 15
3. have lower rates of graduation from high school
4. are 60% less likely to attend college
5. more likely to be depressed
6. are much more less likely to see their fathers
7. are more likely to have mental health problems
8. are more likely to use drugs (from Linaman, 2005).
However, in order for the information cited above to be relavent to this discussion, more studies need to be done on the effects having cohabiting parents has on a child. See testimonials below for further discussion.
Separate from any social ills that may be linked to cohabitation, it is hard to definitively state the impications the practice has on education.
Living together relationships are a rapidly increasing and major new form of domestic organisation. From being regarded as seriously deviant in the 1950s unmarried heterosexual cohabitation is now a majority experience (McDonald 1996). The number of cohabiting couples in Australia doubled in the decade between the early 1980s and 1990s (ABS 1994). Although cohabiting couples make up approximately nine percent of couples in Australia at any one time it is estimated that almost half of those below age 40 will cohabit at some stage in their life (ABS 1998a; Glezer 1991). The number of couples who cohabit before they marry continues to rise. By 1997 over 60% of couples getting married had previously cohabited (ABS 1998b). An analysis of domestic labour is crucial to understanding current gender relations in this new household form.
Evidence of effectiveness
Those who cohabitate routinely say that it is a healthy stepping stone to marriage, allowing the couple to increase their intimacy prior to making a larger commitment. Others simply wish to cohabitate because marriage is not an option to them given their sexual partner (homosexual couples, for example). Still, others wish to cohabitate because they wish for the consistency a long term sexually intimate relationship can offer, but do not wish to deal with the legal constraints of marriage.
According to a study done by the Rutger's University National Marriage Project, in a studey entitled "Should We Live Together? What Young Adults Need to Know about Cohabitation before Marriage - A Comprehensive Review of Recent Research," while cohabitation is rarely beneficial, not all cohabitation is harmful. They offer the following pieces of advice for successful cohabitation:
-Consider not living together at all before marriage -Do not make a habit of cohabiting (multiple times) -Limit cohabitation to the shortest possible period of time -Do not cohabit if children are involved http://marriage.rutgers.edu/Publications/SWLT2%20TEXT.htm
Critics and their rationale
Cohabitation has been attacked for many different reasons. Here are some of the reasons groups say cohabitation should be avoided.
1. It is unsafe: Those who cohabitate are more likely to be in relationships where domestic violence is a problem. The Family Violence Research Program concluded that "rates of violence for cohabiting couples was twice as high and the overall rates for 'severe' violence was nearly five times as high" than the rates for married couples (Wing, 2004). Because cohabitant couples do not often have the family network around them to support their relationship, it is easier for problems to arise.
2. Those who plan to live together before a planned marriage are less likely to get married. One study demonstrates that "40% of cohabiting unions in the U.S. break up without the couple getting married" ("All About..." 2005).
3. Those who live together before marriage are more likely to suffer from depression. Cohabiting women haev reates of depression 3 times as high as those who are married (All About..." 2005).
4. People that cohabitate are more likely to contract HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases. This rationale is much the same as it is for people who have sex prior to wedlock (All About..." 2005).
5. People who cohabitate can experience complicated legal issues because they are not automatically recognized as the legal parents of any children, are more open to loss of property than married couples if they divorce, and won't be able to as easily make life decisions for their significant other if he or she is dying (All About..." 2005).
Dr. Linda Waite at the University of Chicago, whose research included the National Survey of Families and Households (a sampling of 13,000 adults, which was conducted in the late 1980's, with a follow-up in the early 1990's), concluded that married couples were generally more financially well off than couples who simply lived together, because they were much more likely to pool money and invest in the future than were couples who merely cohabitated. She claimed that increased material well being trickles down into investments in better medical care, safer surroundings, better food and other things that raise the standard of living and reduce stress.
Alternative explanations due to Diversity considerations
More research needs to be done on the benefits of cohabitation. There is very little information available about reasons for why people cohabitate, and how it can effect children.
Signed life experiences, testimonies and stories
My husband and I cohabitated before we got married and it worked to our benefit. You learn alot more about the other person and their way of living and really find out if this person is the one you want to marry. Why wait till you are married to figure these things out. It also worked out financially and we both had jobs an hour from our hometowns and we wanted to live closer to where we worked so things would be less stressful. I don't think there should be a stigma associated with cohabitation that its bad, its the right thing to do if both partners are willing to compromise and work things out. Plus, after you get married, you don't have to worry about moving things in together because its already been done! -C.McCulley
A good friend of mine two years ago bought a townhouse with his girlfriend. About a year later, they decided to part ways. Because of the financial obligations that they have for their house they continue to live together. It's been 9 months since their relationship fell apart and he's moved on to another relationship. Of course, in talking with his new girlfriend, the current situation puts strains on their relationship as well. It's really right out of the movie "The Break-up". Ironically he posted a year ago talking about the positive aspects of cohabitation. - W.Rank
Yes, the divorce rate is high and many people view cohabitation as a way to determine if a couple can live together without divorcing. But, statisticaly those who do cohabitate do not have any higher percentage of successful marriages. Being single and coming from a strong Judeo-Christian background, I would not choose to cohabitate with a male before marriage. It seems to me that cohabitation is "trying it out" first before making the commitment which is actually making covenant with your spouse and God. Yes, there are three involved here. If we are not willing to make the commitment officially then biblically we are not to cohabitate. Yes, this testimony comes from a specific viewpoint but it is the way that I must go, it is the way that I have chosen to go. -V.C.
With the way the world is, it is hard to find people that have not cohabitated at some point or another. For me, I have been living with my girlfried for the last year. We purchased a house together and are very happy there with our puppy and two kittens. Some people view this as living in sin, but with as many people that are getting divorces, is there really any difference. Sure, it may not be the most ethical way of living, but if it is not harming anybody else, and we are happy what is wrong with it? -Jeremiah Kramper-
The reseach mentioned above shows that couples who cohabitate are much more likely to "divorce" and experience domestic violence than those who don't. The impact these two problems can have on a child are well documented. However, this data should not lend itself to an absolute dismissal of cohabitation as a way of life. It is quite possible that cohabitation is an innocent parallel to problems that exist for other reasons. For example, it is cheaper to cohabitate than to live independently (split mortgage/rent, split utilities, etc.). As a result, perhaps there are more low S.E.S. couples who cohabitate. Poverty has been linked much more definitively with violence and divorce than cohabitation has.
I find it hard to point the finger at cohabitation when there are so many more obvious social ills that require attention that we are CERTAIN have a direct impact on our children. There are a number of fine reasons to cohabitate, many of which have absolutely nothing to do with the amount of love, and nurturing a couple is able to give a child. -Greg Johnson
One reason for cohabitation is quite possibly because a couple can't find a way out of a relationship. My brother-in-law has lived with his girlfriend for over ten years. She has a drug and alcohol problem and has threatened suicide if he leaves her. It is a bad situation because she will not own up to the problem and get help. My brother-in-law loves her, but at a distance. I truly believe they live together to keep her alive. Nick Chatterton
I had the experience of living with my former boyfriend for a year. We enjoyed living together and it was under the premise of becoming engaged. My boyfriend had been married once before and decided that he was not ready to for the marriage commitment. We kept the relationship going, but lived separately. I found myself questioning everything about myself and having many self-esteem issues. After several years of going back and forth with these issues we went our separate ways. In this instance, I think that cohabitation was a negative relationship factor.
I don't believe that we can blame all these social ills on cohabitation. I lived with my husband before we got married for about two years. The reason for us was financial. It was a lot cheaper to live together, than separately. I think that there're a lot of other factors contributing to the social ills than just cohabitation.
For my husband and I, cohabitation was a step in the natural progression of our relationship. While we were in college, we spent increasing amounts of nights together until it was an every night occurrence. We never moved our stuff into one apartment until we were married though. Our parents both frowned severely on us living together. So, we kept it a secret. This caused a lot of guilt in our relationship, but also brought us together as we shared a hardship together. We have been happily married for two years now. Jenny Circello
My husband and I cohabitated for 3 months before we were married. It did not make sense for me to lease a place for only 3 months when I moved to be near him. I was beginning a new job and getting married right around the corner. Although we had some moral conflicts about this decision, I am glad we went ahead and did. We did not consider it a trial marriage though - there was nothing trial about it - we were already committed to getting married. -Missy Legutki
Many people cohabitate before marriage because it is cheaper. You figure you spend every night together anyway, why not just pay for one place? I lived with my ex-fiance for two years, and even then broke off the wedding. I already knew what it would be like after marriage, but the reasons for leaving had nothing to do with our living situations. I was young, and wanted to experience life. I am currently in a relationship where my boyfriend stays with me frequently. I am not going to live together until after we are married for the right reasons, but I really want to.--M.Hicks
Cohabitation gone awry can be confusing and hurtful for children. I have heard of my nieces experience with their parent's partners where verbal abuse and blatant disregard for their other parents existance were all evident in the living environment. The scariest part of it all was when one of my nieces told me that someone blew cigarette smoke in her face, while the other nieces are calling thier mom's most recent partner "daddy", in my brother's (their biological father's) presence. Cohabitation with children from previous relationships can be harmful to children if the partners are not seeking the best interests for each other and the children. Candace Hatchett
For me personally, cohabitation has been a great learning a growing experience as I had lived with a significant other that I thought I was going to marry. We cohabitated for a year and found out that there were a lot of things we didnt know about each other that caused us to both ask ourselves if this was the right thing for us. The negative stigma associated with cohabitation is ridiculous, I think, because it can aid in a key life decision such as marriage. -J. Daeschler (June 2006)
I am now cohabitating with my significant other and we are just fine with the situation. Having both been children of divorced and remarried parents, we are not necessarily itching to stroll down the aisle. For me, marriage is a piece of paper to solidify whatever you already share. Yes, there are tax breaks and etc. when one makes it official, but really, what is the difference in living like you're married and actually being able to say you're married. I feel legally, cohabitating is best legally. If we decide the relationship isn't working out, we are able to go our own ways without having to drag it into the courtroom and have a judge decide. As for the stat. that suggests people who cohabitate are less likely to marry, which is worse, to living with someone and finding out you two don't quite click or getting married and finding out you two don't quite click? ~S. Ward
Personally and religiously I think that cohabitation is wrong. I have seen from a friends perspective that cohabitation has not worked for many friends. All goes well until they move into together and they are forced to be together 24/7. Many people say it is a good experience for them before they get married, but I disagree. I think it is best for them to work on living together as their marriage progresses. This will make for a stronger marriage. Nic
Cohabitation can work if there is open communication between the two parties involved. Expectations and boundaries should be specifically discussed before the arrangement takes place. The problems with cohabitation result from a lack of communication and when one individual assumes things. Personally, cohabitation worked for me because my partner and I discussed expectations before we moved in together. Now we are happily married! - K. Berry
References and other links of interest
References "All About Cohabiting Before Marriage." (2004). Accessed on 7.31.05 from http://members.aol.com/cohabiting/ Information from a very Anti-Cohabitation Perspective
Linaman, Todd, E. (2005). "The Effects of Divorce on Children and Families." Accessed on 7.31.05 from http://www.flc.org/hfl/marriage/mar-flf03.htm
Rathus, Spencer, A., & Nevid, Jeffrey S. (2002). Psychology and the Challenges of Life: Adjustments in the New Millennium, 8th Edition. John Wiley & Sons, Inc.
Wing, Virginia. (7.8.2004). "The Truth About Domestic Violence in Marital Versus Cohabitational Relationships." Accessed on 7.31.05 from http://www.family.org/cforum/fosi/marriage/cohabitation/a0032781.cfm
Steinhauer. Jennifer. "Studies Find Big Benefits in Marriage" (1995). Accessed on 4/28/08 from http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?sec=health&res=990CE7D71530F933A25757C0A963958260
