Adoption
From WikEd
Adoption
is the legal act of permanently placing a child with a parent of parents other than the birth parents. Adoption results in the severing of the parental responsibilities and rights of the biological parents and the placing of those responsibilities and rights onto the adoptive parents. After the finalization of an adoption, there is no legal difference between biological and adopted children.
Closed Adoption vs. Open Adoption
There are different laws and jurisdictions concerning adoption. Some adoptions are closed or confidential meaning that the child will have no right to learn the identity of their birth parents. This form of adoption has been the most common type of adoption in the United States for as long as adoption has been a formal legal process. Closed adoptions are still utilized today in many senarios, espeically in many international adoptions where the adoptive parents are adopting children from other countries. However, within the past 30 years or so, research has started to show that a closed adoption may not be in the best interest for the adopted child or for the birth mother. Adopted children who know nothing of their birth families will often go through identity issues and many will end up tyring to track down their birth families and determine the cause and circumstance of their adoptions (Dorner, 1990).
To combat the identity issues, many adoption agencies have started utilizing an open adoption policy. Open adoption grants the birth mother, adopting parents, and adpoted children to stay in some form of communication. The degree and frequency of the communication will vary from situation to situation, but the arrangements of the communication are established before the adoption takes place. Open adoption starts with the birth mother being able to choose a profile of the adopting parents that they feel most comforatble with. The birth mother and the adopting parents will often times be in communication before the child is born. Communication between adopting family and birth family could range from a simple yearly update letter all the way up to regular 'in person' contact between the birth mother and child.
Reasons children are put up for adoption:
1. Giving up a child at birth because one or both parents are unable to care for the child to meet minium parenting standards, or being emotional and/or economically unable to care for one’s child.
2. Termination of Parental Rights cases: A child is put in foster care when parental relationship/setting has become hazardous to the child. The parent then has a period of time to reform the situation while the child is in foster care. If the situation is not resolved, parental rights can be terminated either by the parent or the state.
Adoption and Learning Problems
There is research that shows adopted children have a higher incidence of learning disabilities and ADHD than what they should based on percentage of the general school age population. Some of the factors that may lead to these problems are poor pre-natal care, complications at birth, malnutrition, neglect, or genetics.
Why should you consider adoption?
- [Infertility]
- Lack of a partner of the opposite sex (surrogate)
- Single person or same sex partners
- Avoid contributing to perceived overpopulation
- Health concerns: avoid passing on a genetic disease, or concerns relating to pregnancy and childbirth
- Giving children a better option and life then they already have. Life in an orphanage is not easy.
Adoption and The Law
A legal act begins the process of a waiting child's adoption - the termination, in court, of the parental rights of the child's birthparents. Another legal act brings the process to an end - the finalization of the adoption in court, making the new adoptive parents the child's permanent legal parents. From start to finish, there are many points along the way where the law will have an effect on your child's adoption.
Each state makes its own laws in the area of adoption, according to state statute. While some federal laws do apply, practices and policies can vary widely from one state to another, or even from one county to the next. To learn about laws specific to your state or jurisdiction, visit the website of the National Adoption Information Clearinghouse (NAIC), at www.calib.com/naic/laws or contact your county's Department of Children and Youth.
Adoptive Parents and Their Babies:Minimizing the Risks to Emotional Development in the First Three Years
Risk factors inherent in the adoption situation http://www.zerotothree.org/ztt_professionals.html
Couples who do not have the opportunity to deal with their feelings about their infertility may have difficulty in the adoption situation. If parents do not resolve significantly their feelings about being unable to conceive, they may not have sufficient emotional energy to relate positively to the adopted child. Sometimes adoption is chosen with the idea that the woman will conceive after the adopted baby arrives. This in fact happens in only 8 to 14 percent of cases. Some adoptive parents continue medical treatment for their infertility after they have adopted a child. If parents are then able to conceive a child, they will have to confront conflicting feelings in themselves and their children.
Loss of the hoped-for biological child
Parents typically have fantasies about the baby they will have. Women especially may have fantasized from girlhood about what their baby might look like and what sex the baby might be. The adopted baby may not fit these fantasies. Parents must grieve this loss and come to terms with it, even though they may not fully recover from or resolve the loss. This parental experience will be important if and when the adopted child grieves for his "lost" biological parents.
Lack of pregnancy as a developmental phase
During pregnancy, future parents have the opportunity to think about, discuss, and possibly come to terms with issues of parenthood. Changes in lifestyle, attitudes about child rearing, and issues of responsibility are some of the things prospective parents try to deal with before the baby arrives.
Couples in the process of adopting often do not want to think about the baby. Some feel that if they count on the adoption being successful, the birth mother will change her mind and keep the baby, leaving them devastated. Since they don't want to think about the baby, they don't think about other issues connected with parenthood either.
When the baby is born and released for adoption, parents may have only a few days to prepare. This adds to the stress of an already anxious situation. Legal and psychological uncertainties in the adoption process
Some adoptive parents worry that they won't like the baby or be able to relate to him. They ask themselves, "What will the baby look like? How will the baby act? What kind of temperament will he or she have? How will we be able to understand the baby if he does not have our genes?" Often parents stop pondering these questions once they have the baby, but if parents are unable to adjust to the reality of the particular baby they adopt, bonding may be difficult.
Even after the parents receive the baby, they may have difficulty concentrating on parenting. In many states the legal process of adoption takes up to a year, and in the first several months the birth parents can change their minds. Many adoptive parents say they are anxious every time the phone rings. Sometimes they feel uneasy about getting too attached to the baby. Unconscious issues about "entitlement"
Some women may feel that because they could not get pregnant or could not carry a pregnancy to term they won't be able to keep the adopted baby. In other cases, parents may think that the adopted child is so "special" that they don't deserve him. Other parents, however, may feel that the adopted child will never be good enough for them.
Parent's and child's reactions to the "telling process"
There has been a range of theories and conflicting opinions about telling the adopted child his story. In years past, many thought the child should never be told of his adoption. Often the child found out anyway and was hurt and angered by the secret. Many adult adoptees have worked to change agency and social policies. We are concerned that the story be told slowly over the years, as it can be handled emotionally and cognitively by the child.
Sociocultural attitudes toward the members of the "adoption triangle"
As much as we hate to admit it, there are still numerous negative reactions to adoption in our society. Many adoptive families are hurt and dismayed by remarks made to them by family, friends and strangers. Some parents are able to develop responses they are comfortable with as they become more at ease as parents. Others continue to be anxious when offensive remarks are made, and have difficulty dealing with their feelings, especially when their children are present. Their anxiety may in turn impair their ability to be at ease talking about the adoption situation with their children.
These risk factors to healthy emotional development, coupled with everyday parenting issues and child development theory, are discussed in prevention-early intervention parent-child groups in ways that are educational and supportive to adoptive parents. Our goal is to prevent crises through education and to promote parental empathy by developing family relationships based on a strong emotional bond, mutual respect, and understanding of young children's behavior.
Signed Life Experiences, Testimonies, and Stories
The fact that my mom was adopted was a secret for a very long time. My brother and I didn't find out until we were preteens. It was one of the only topics we couldn't openly discuss in our home. In her forties, my mom's doctor encouraged her to find her biological family to get their medical history. When she finally decided to do this, we found that it was easy to locate them. We discovered that her biological family included two brothers and a sister who grew up nearby. While my mom has only met her biological mother a few times, she has befriended her biological siblings. The siblings were also unaware that they had a sister. It has turned out to be a nice surprise for everyone involved. Obviously there is a lot more involved and some of it is very personal. My mom often jokes that she could write a book or go on Oprah. - M. Schroeder
I've recently met 2 women that were adopted as children. They both are of Asian decent, but grew up in Caucasion homes. What I remember after meeting them was their frustration. These women had experiences where people would come up to them and start speaking another language (Chinese or Korean, for example). After finding out that these women only spoke English, these random people would dismiss my friends and even make them feel bad for "not knowing their culture." Well, they DO know their culture! It's just that their culture (Irish) didn't match their ethnicity (Asian). I'd like to think that parents who adopt children from other countries would try to expose them to their ethnic culture, but I believe it's more important for a child to learn the culture of the home. -S.Scott
I have a positive view of adoption. It takes a very special person to give up their child. A member of my family was unable to have children. They adopted two children. They were put on a waiting list and I remember that they said it was very expensive ( I.e., court costs). As the children grew up, the parents were very open with them about being adoptive. The girl went into social work-specifically working with international adoptions. Unfortunately I know that the children who have special needs and are not white who are usually the last ones to be adopted. Hopefully someday this will change. C. Unzicker
I am not adoped but adoption has changed my life. I spent my whole life knowing my parents. Somewhere in my childhood I remembered stories from my family indicating that I had siblings. As an adult I never really understood or knew much about the stories. When I turned 25 my life changed. I was introduced to my half-sister and half-brother. It seems that my father had been married before he married my parent. Something went terribly wrong and the children had to be given up for adoption. I am thrilled to have them in my life but saddened by the time we missed. C. Yeoman.
When my older half-sister had her first child at 18 she thought she could handle it. My parents never thought she would be able to continue the lifestyle she was living while having to care for a child. Within three months my half-sister decided to give my nephew up for adoption. His adoptive parents were very honest with him at an early age, and he has a relationship with my half-sister. They write letters to eachother but have never met face to face. It seems to be working out for them.--M.Hicks
I have an aunt who was told she could never have children and adopted 2 children. The first child was a boy and has been a good kid and went on to college and has become successful in business. On the other hand the second child a daughter has been a hand full to say the least. The girls natural mother had some severe problems and may have lead to her problems later in life. She is now in her mid 20's and cannot keep a job and pan handles for money. These kids were both brought up in the same environment but the genetics of the girl is in severe dought. Adoption may not be everyone, but is a good alternative in many situations.
What happens when a family is in the process of adoption, but changes their mind. This story is sad, however; I feel that it is important to note. I know of an educated couple who felt that it was the right time in their lives to adopt a child. They had both earned their Master of Education degrees and held stable teaching positions in a suburb outside of Syracuse, NY. The couple enjoyed traveling and had a cabin in the mountains, so they knew they wanted an older child. They received a boy who was in fourth grade for their “trial period.” The boy moved in with couple. The couple bought the boy a puppy and had him help design his room. The boy went to the cabin in the mountains and had a room there. The boy traveled with the couple to meet the extended family. The boy stayed with the couple for four months, until one day the couple decided they were not ready for a child. They returned the boy and their “trial period” was over. What happens to the mentality and emotionality of this boy? One day he is living the life of a son to this couple and the next he is alone, again. What are the chances that this boy will ever feel accepted or cared about? My hope is that this child finds acceptance and nurturing from his teachers, coaches and other reliable figures in his life. -TYM
I wonder how adoption affects an adopted child's identity and sense of self. I am sure it is dependent upon the way the child has been raised in the adoptive parent's home as well as his/her natural, biological traits. I wonder this because there is an adopted child at the school where my mom works and he also has a behavioral disorder. Sadly, he has virtually no self-esteem and no friends which is what I am sure has contributed to his behavioral issues. Besides that, he's spoiled at home and gets away with pretty much anything and everything...the parents basically have no control. I just wonder how this student must be feeling and if he knows he is adopted and because of that, he has learned to act-up and be very defiant. Maybe he is angry at his biological parents and is seeking revenge. Or, maybe these defiant characteristics were just something he was born with. ~K. Kleckauskas
I wonder how children who are adopted by another race or culture feel as they grow into themselves. More and more, I have been noticing African American children being adopted by Caucasian parents, or Vietnamese children adopted by Caucasian, etc. However, I never really hear about the children as they grow up. In school, I imagine it being a difficult situation when other students point out a difference. Last year, in my third grade class, I had a student who had two mommies. After having spoken with the Social Worker, I found out that this particular student had been really devasted emotionally, but her interaction with me had been the same all along. As far as interracial adoption, I hope that these particular students have some connections with those of own particular culture. If not, I fear that the child will be emotionally torn eventually and unsure of who they really are. I am not saying I disagree with interracial or same sex adoption; just that I think educators should take this situation into consideration and give opportunities for these children to learn something about their own cultures and family lives. ~S. Ward
One of my closest friends in high school was adopted shortly before he transferred to our school. His mother had died, his father was not around, and he was taken in by his aunt and uncle. Although his adoptive parents were wonderful (one was a police officer and the other was a college secretary) he still struggled to fit in, to feel accepted, and to perform to his potential in school. I was a little frustrated by the fact that the schooling system did not do much to accommodate students in his position. I know he was struggling to feel safe and welcome, and it took a long time for him adjust to his new life. I think that educators should be more aware of their students’ personal situations. This student was not one to open up with teachers, but I think he could have benefited tremendously from a little compassion and understanding. – Jeremiah Johnson
I have a friend and coworker who is in the process of adopting a 3 year old boy. I have heard all the good and bad parts of adoption. They wanted to give the little boy a good home, which they have done and they wanted to expand their family. There have been some frustrating parts as well. They have had to be very patient with their new son who is adapting to the change. He seems to be adapting very well. They are also foster parents to another little boy and they have fallen in love with him and I know they would love to adopt him as well. This has been a little harder on them because as much as they would love to keep him they know someday he might have to leave and I think it is hard for them to think about their family without him.--M. Smith
I adopted my little girl when she was three years old. Her father was not around and her mother and I had recently gotten married. The adoption process went very smoothly for us. Many people ask me, "How can you adopt a child and love them?" My response is just spend time with the child, be up at 3 in the morning when they are sick or scared. Be there to see them ride their bike for the first time and it is very easy to fall in love with them. My daughter and I celebrate Kara Day, which is her adoption day, another day just like her birthday but more special for us. Adoption is one of the best things that I have ever done with my life. Nic D
My younger sister is adopted and I am my parent's "natural-born" child. I have tried to explore her feelings about adoption as few times throughout her childhood and she never really indicated that it bothered her. I know I usually don't think about it. There is an 11 year difference between us, and she was brought into our family as a newborn, so it was like she had been there all along. It never really occurs to us that she was adopted, our family raised her and loves her no differently. Parenting is a lot more than just a biological connection. I have also seen other adopted children in my professional life where it was actually considered a stigma by them, but I found this to be only because it was used as a weapon to hurt the child and beat down their self-esteem. -- D. Melone
My aunt adopted her daughter (my cousin) from Poland through Catholic Charities; her daughter was 11 years old at the time. Since then it has been a struggle for my cousin to transition to life in the United States- she had to learn a new language, adapt to a different culture, and pursue an education in U.S. schools. It turned out the language barrier was the most difficult challenge she had to face. Once she completed some ESL classes and learned English from her peers at school, she adjusted well to her new surroundings. I think all adoptions face challenges, and I respect those who go through the process. E. Blinstrup
My wife and I are currently in the adoption process. Although I know I wanted to adopt, I soon found out that I was completely uneducated in regards to adoption. I quickly found out that most of my preconceived notions about adoption were wrong and have found myself amazed at some of the things I had believed before. My advice for anyone considering adoption is to read lots of books on the subject and align yourself with a good licensed case worker. -J. Linnenburger (2009)
References and Links
Wikipedia, [Adoption]
[National Council for Adoption]
[National Adoption Information] As a child, I was raised in a "Children's Home" in South Bend, Indiana. The home was located in St. Joseph County, and was Catholic. This was a very tumultuous period in my life, and my only real desire was to be "placed" into a permanent home where I could find some real stability. Unfortunately, this was not the case and I ended up going through a series of temporary homes that did not work out. As far as the process of adoption goes. I met many children during my sixteen years at the home, and many of them were adopted by loving, caring parents who gave them what they needed most. Some of these kids went on to lead really great lives, and for this I am happy for them. The process of adoption is one of the heardest things that these kids (and their adoptive parents) could have possibly gone through. The constant check-ins, invasion of privacy, etc. almost made some of them give up. For the kids it's nerve racking because you don't know until the last minute whether or not you get to go. FOr the younger kids it wasn't as bad, but for the older kids it was very traumatic! At any rate, for them I am very happy that it worked out. As for me, I stayed with the home until I was sixteen and then ran away. I lived with friends and hid out until I was eighteen, and returned to the Home to find that I had been drafted. It all ended up well, because I use myself for an example with the kids who have lost parents, so there is always something very positive in everything in life. Pat Johnson
[Adoption.org Services] A huge adoption resource!
Information on Catholic Adoption Catholic Adoption
Dorner, K. S. (1990). Children of Open Adoption and their Families. San Antonio: Corona Publishing Co.
